i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
