Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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