don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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