They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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