I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
