I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
