I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
3pm strippers are depressing
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
