so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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