so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
