Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
