Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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