the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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