even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
