I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Will exercising make me less horny?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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