Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
