I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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