i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
