I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
