is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
