An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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