Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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