Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
