I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
