everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
