I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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