she woke up with a sticky ear
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
