Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
