remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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