I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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