my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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