Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
