i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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