Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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