opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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