just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
