you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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