A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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