If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize