if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
