Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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