you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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