New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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