Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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