So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize