Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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