The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
