Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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