my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
