"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
