there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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