You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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