That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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