FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I need a burrito and a hug.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
