im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
