I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
