i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
