OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
