I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
