remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize