What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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