I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
