I could make wine with my vomit
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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