I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
