there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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