why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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