where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
