Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You took a bar mat shot.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
