Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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