but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
