have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
