I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
if only i could text you this smell
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
